Releasing fear (with no help from society)

Take a look at this trailer for the movie "What to Expect When You're Expecting:"

This shit just drives me batty. Overblown characterizations of labor are why women are afraid to give birth naturally. Look at these women - screaming, sweating, cursing, yelling at their husbands. No wonder why many moms go into childbirth thinking there's no way they can withstand it.

When I was giving birth, the scene was totally different. No screaming, no panting, no swearing, no demanding an epidural (okay, there was a little of that toward the end). Maybe some quiet moans or grunts, a few long sighs. But I never felt the urge to scream at the top of my lungs because it wasn't that kind of pain. Good grief, these woman act as though they've severed a finger.

Which brings me to the notion of fear in pregnancy and childbirth. Our culture is very good at making pregnant women totally paranoid. At the outset, you're given a list of things you shouldn't do. Don't eat deli meats or soft cheeses. Don't even look at sushi. Don't let your heartbeat exceed 140 beats per minute. Don't lay on your back.  Don't have so much as a sip of wine. Don't take Tylenol or Advil or anything remotely linked to a pharmaceutical company (until, of course, you go into labor - then have at it!). 

You're made to feel as though pregnancy is a disorder rather than a fleeting condition. And you're made to feel - at every turn - that you're just one brie slice away from hurting your baby.

Which is probably why many women turn to hospitals and surgeons and high-tech medical interventions to manage their pregnancies and births. We've been told for nine months about everything that could go wrong rather than the reality, which is that - statistically speaking - you are overwhelmingly fine and your baby will be fine.

That bit about not eating certain foods, like cheeses or meats, because of the possibility of listeriosis? Your chances of contracting listeriosis are 3.4 in 1 million. In other words, infinitesmal. On the other hand, your chances of dying in a car accident on the way to a prenatal appointment are 1 in 20,000.

Still, our culture focuses on the fear. It perpetuates the myth of the fragile expectant mother and obsesses over the slim risk of harm. It features women screaming in labor, completely alienated from their own bodies. It subtly and insidiously tells us what we can't do instead of rejoicing in what we can do.

Forget about "What to Expect When You're Expecting" - you don't need to expect fear, pain, and disconnection from your pregnant body.

Expect that you can do it. Because more than likely, you can.